First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
