found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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