So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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