i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
