so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
