We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
