It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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