I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
