Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
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I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
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She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"