I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
