I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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