I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
