I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
