i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
