Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Two words: nipple clamps
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