i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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