I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
