On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
