he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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