Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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