Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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