Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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