now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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