Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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