your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
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Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
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Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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