but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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