anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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