Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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