My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
