I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
