i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
