I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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