So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm both gender and math confused
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
