Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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