ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
