yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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