Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
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I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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