i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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