I think my vagina is haunted
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
