Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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