if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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