apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
