I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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