uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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