Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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