Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
