If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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