I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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