there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
