Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize