If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
