Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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