I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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