i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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