someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
