I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
