when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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