My underwear smells like fireworks.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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