I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
