hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
