alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize