Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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