Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
