call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
