"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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