She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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