Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
