Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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