I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
