too bad you live with your parents still
I think my fart just growled at me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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