how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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