I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
id be glad to
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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