Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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