Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
