when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
