Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
