Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
